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Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
I love arguing with you so much, I`ll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
That`s disgusting! (unless you`re up for it?)
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like....`I`ve got nothing man.`
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"
My rabbit died yesterday… Now he’s just some bunny that I used to know…
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I`m having sex ... Probably with the other sock.
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.