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On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
Relationship status: my cat won`t sit still for our selfies.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.
I feel sorry for people who take everything way too seriously.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.