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They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
Sö î hèãrd ÿôu lìkê gùÿš with ácçeñts?
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
According to my neighbor`s rooster, it`s 5am now. Also according to my neighbor`s rooster, we`re having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow.
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
Doormats are a gateway rug.
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at him.
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!