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LIFE TIP: The early worm gets dismembered, and eaten alive!
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
I can read Spanish, Chinese, Russian and Italian. As long as it`s written in english.
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
“How are feeling today?” is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.