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Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.