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I bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
The worst part of being an insomniac is having to eat spiders while I’m awake to maintain my yearly average.
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.