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I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
Your personality needs alcohol.
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??
Just seen this girl walk into a lamp post! I could have stopped her but that wouldn`t have been funny would it