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I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
Velcro, what a rip-off!
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.