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I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?
Please say a prayer for my coworker. His life is so boring that he just Instagrammed his Jimmy Johns sandwich
The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
People who describe things as β€œbetter than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
So far, I`ve had exactly "call my ex" number of beers tonight!!!
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.