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I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
There`s no life problem that a good "F*ck this shit" can`t solve.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...