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Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?
Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
I try not to brag but I`m really quite good at Yoga. I`m not flexible or anything but I am a master of that "Empty Your Mind" part
First Ebola case in USA , and the Walking Dead starts next week... brb gonna go buy a crossbow.
Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.