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Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
Sh!t`s spiraling out of control and I`m all like "wheeeee."
There`s a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It`s more like "Her old a$$ should know better"
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
Who needs the weather network when you have Facebook.
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
Cops never say “thanks for committing crimes and keeping us employed”. It’s just plain selfish.
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.