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If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
I just watched a puppy do something really cute. It was like a real life YouTube video.
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
Is it so much to ask that everyone who ever wronged me be forced to leave the country and change their identity?
How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can’t even make her a mix tape anymore?
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up...
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.