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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
So many rules; so little time to break them.
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
That Awkward Moment when you Greet you Brother on some random website. Brett to Daniel. sup Lerch!
Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it`s a two-star hotel.
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
Remember when the world ended last year?
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch