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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
Career goal: Being successful enough to add bacon to my burger without asking how much more it costs.
Ladies, don`t say that men never listen... We can tell you every word of what was said during an NFL pregame or in-game broadcast.
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
You know someone has a drinking problem when they go to the bar at 5pm, you know you have a drinking problem when you`re already there.
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers