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Relationship status: Don`t tell me to calm down! You called a stormtrooper a robot!
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
There were only 3 commandments until Moses’ wife got involved.
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
The doctor said I need to drink more whiskey....Oh, by the way... I`m calling myself "the doctor" now.
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.