Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like the parts of the day when food happens.
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn`t have the same effect.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn`t seem so bad now.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100