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Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
How many facebook friends do you have that if they posted "I`m depressed and on the edge", your first thought would be to poke them?
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
Bars are Weird Its the only Business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their Product
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.