Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and there is still no fold button on my dryer.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.