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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
I just heard a woodpecker call me a `paranoid old weirdo` in morse code.