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I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.