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Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
A reality show where a couple wins $10 million dollars if they show nobody a picture of their baby for the first 2 years.
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
OK I`ve stumbled out of bed and made it to the computer- and another Facebook day begins!
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.