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I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
It takes two people to lie....one to lie.....the other to listen
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
My grandfather once waited in line for 36 hours to get a loaf of bread and I can`t wait two seconds for a Youtube video to load.
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.