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A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
I`ve never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
Life hack: If you keep your mouth shut, no one will know you`re so stupid
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.
I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
To settle an argument, think about why you are wrong and why she has boobs.