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You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.