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Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you`re not allowed to use them. Because nothing says class like useless towels.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."
When I say "Have a nice day." Remember the f*cker on the end is silent.
Laughter is the best medicine, but if you are laughing for no reason, you might need medicine.