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Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was "LOL" and I was holding my statement upside down.
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
Michael Schumacher`s former crew just visited him in the hospital. They changed the wheels on his bed and his drip in 4.4 secs.
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
Dimples are considered a facial muscledeformity in the medical world.