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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
PRO TIP: You can use crunchy food to block out conversations of people you hate.
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.