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"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
I could really go for a beer and a million dollars.
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
It`s okay I`ll text myself back.
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"
I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night…he hypnotized 7 guys…then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME ... what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life