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I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
Lord, if I can`t be skinny, make my friends look fat.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.