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I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
Life is better when you can share it with a friend that has the same sick, twisted personality as yourself.
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
If I have to stir it, it’s homemade.
What is this `wrong hole` you people speak of?
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
I saw a book titled Learning To Read For Dummies. At first I thought that sounded insulting, but then I realized anybody who would be insulted by that title wouldn`t even know what it says.
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?