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Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
It`s like my kids don`t even believe how cool I was in the 80s.
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.