Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn`t talk much and I like that.
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn`t done anything wrong
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
I saw Tom Hanks and asked for his autograph. He abbreviated it, and it just said "Thanks"
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink