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Somedays I could do without the life lesson
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
PRO TIP: You can use crunchy food to block out conversations of people you hate.
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
Multitasking? Iām not even good at unitasking.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
You had me at 0 mutual friends
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.