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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
I just watched a puppy do something really cute. It was like a real life YouTube video.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
It was all so different before everything changed.
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.