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I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
Orgasms are alot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don`t really care if you don`t have any pizza.