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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
My Boss requested me on facebook. I was like "pssst". If only he knew all the sh*t I post about his ugly @$$.
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. 2) if it does not look like it`s breathing give it mouth-to_mouth
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.