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Of all the things I have lost in life I mis my mind the most
It`s not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn`t figure out how to get the cork back in it.
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
I don`t get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There`s never any left when he comes home.
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.