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I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I’m really disappointed with Bill Gates.
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.