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From this point on, all postings of pictures of waffles will be considered a personal invitation.
The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
I like dating chicks with kids, because fruity snacks
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
You want me to smile? How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren`t getting enough fiber?
My scars tell a story. A story about a guy who`s really f*cking clumsy.