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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.
If there`s one thing I learned from my wife, it`s don`t get married!