Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
You can`t make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
āIā before āEā especially after āPā. Mmmm pie
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch