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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time...
That awkward moment when kids see a toy they want on TV but the can`t get it because their parents must be 18 or older.
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
It`s hard to focus on a home workout when your home also contains a refrigerator full of delicious food
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.