Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad.
I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
I just want to be perfect... Nah just kidding, I love being weird
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?