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I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
I mostly use Facebook to remember why I stopped hanging out with certain people.
They said money can`t by happiness. But it can buy tattoos, car parts, and beer. What else could we need?