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The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
Last year in college football Alabama beat Arkansas, Tennessee, and Auburn. Those teams coaches all resigned. Any chance of Alabama playing agsinst the White House this year?
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
If your lawyer has a ponytail, you`re going to jail
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I’m right.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don`t want to talk.