Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
If anyone every texts me “who is this” I always respond “Jake from state farm”
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
IRS: We`ve got what it takes to take what you`ve got.
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you