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I can`t wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
My tricks aren`t for kids.
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
Me: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you’re smart too, I like that.
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.