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Running on two hours of sleep I’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.
Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
Don’t bother flirting with the girl from accounting, she knows how much money you really make.
How dare you incinerate that I don`t know big words.
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
How come we can put a man on the moon but we can`t made a smoke alarm that can differentiate between a house fire and cooking sausages?
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. And the good news is, that`s pretty much everything.