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I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
I can’t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually encourage you to pick your nose.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.