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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won`t need to adjust her driving.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.