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Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
If you drink enough tonight, you won`t have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
"Polar bears can`t jump." - Black bears
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
I`m starting to think that all those hours in school, when I practiced writing my autograph, was just a waste of time.....
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me