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I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
"I can`t believe it`s not clutter." ~ A recovering hoarder
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
What idiot called him Alexander Graham Bell instead of Lord of the Rings
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
Some days you just can`t get home to your liquor fast enough
President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.