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i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
I like dating chicks with kids, because fruity snacks
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
It´s not that I hate you, it´s just.. well I´ll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, I´d drink it.
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
It’s not drinking alone if the dogs are home, right?
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.