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I put the o in illiterate!
Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!