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No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I`d go to hell for.
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal.
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
I wish electronics would scream a little bit when you unplugged them.
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."
is giving everyone permission to steal, and use this status.
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…