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Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
Experience is what you get, when you don`t get what you want
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.