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Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
I wish Tony the Tiger would burst into a raisin commercial and yell “They’re graaaapes!”
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
Guess what I saw today ... Everything I looked at. ;)
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
In my will, I´m giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn´t say a word.
I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.