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I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?