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"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
I`m giving up procrastination for Lent ... starting tomorrow.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
why we do not have a romance class...............
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.