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Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!:D
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?