Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.
Note to self: the wife does not want an `exercise pole`.