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When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
Dear who ever’s reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
It’s funny how “You’re so funny” turns into “You think everything’s a f*cking joke” in just 3 months…
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
I want to sleep tighter
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.