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Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
I appreciate your help, but no thanks, I can f*ck up my life on my own.
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
If you`re in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don`t have to be nice anymore.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
There`s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you`re blowing up a rubber glove.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
awesome collection!
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?