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Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
Accidentally took a women`s multi vitamin & I`ve been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
take it easy and if it is easy take it home
It’s a holiday. You know what that means… Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.