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I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?