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When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
Something about summertime brings out the beer guzzling Homer Simpson in me.
I need to put someone on my weekend to-do list