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Before the internet I used to like people.
Who needs a social life when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.