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I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
Happy people don`t take long showers.
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
The next person I hear say “I love fall” is getting choked out with a scarf soaked in pumpkin spice latte.
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
Anything can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...