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I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
Don`t ya wish you could hold people up to the light like a $20 bill to tell if they`re fake or real?
Is everything expensive or am I simply poor?
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.