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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
Yes, Facebook says we`re `friends` but, trust me, I wouldn`t hesitate to punch you in the face.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?